What If?
by Lainie0303
Summary: What if Elliot had gone to see Olivia the night he left, Her whole world changes after their goodbye.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: My first ever fan fic. Let me know what you think if I should keep going or not. I definitely have more ideas to take the story further.

Olivia looked at the clock. 'It's only 6.30' she thought. But she couldn't go back to sleep. She knew what day it was. 3 years. 3 years and she still thought about him every day. The way he walked, the way his shirt sat on his muscular body, that night.

"Mommy" a small voice broke her from her thoughts. Olivia looked over at the small child standing across from her. Gripping her little teddy with a tired look on her face. "Me sweep wif you?"

"Of course honey, jump up mommy's here. Did you have a bad dream?" But she didn't answer, Olivia stroked her short brown locks until she fell back asleep. 'My little angel" she thought smiling down at Ruby she gave her a kiss on the forehead and laid back down until her alarm went off.

It was 7 am the morning 3 years after the shooting, 3 years she has seen him. The man she loved so much but knew she could never have. He slipped away from her. It killed her every time this anniversary came around but she knew she had to be strong for her little girl. The little girl she thought she would never have. Her miracle child. Ruby.

"Ruby, wake up we need to get ready, Mommy has to go to work for a bit" Olivia tried to wake her little girl from her sleep. She hated it when she had to go into work on the weekends but they had a big case that she needed to close and today was the day they would get his confession.  
>"Ruby, Wake up" Olivia shook her gently to wake her up. "We need to get ready, we have to go to mommy's work". "But mommy it weekend" Ruby sat up arms crossed not wanting to go anywhere. "I know baby girl, but we will only be there for I little bit and then we will go to the park I promise"<p>

"Yay, park park park lets go mommy!" Ruby jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom to get ready for her big day out with Olivia.

I was close to 9.30 am when they finally got the station. "Sorry I'm late, Ruby didn't want to wake up" she apologised putting ruby down. "No worries Olivia" Fin said picking ruby up and giving her a big cuddle. "Hey baby girl we gunna have some fun today". "mhmm" ruby said nodding and kissing Fin.

Olivia walked over to the board looking at all the evidence and just sat there 'it's finally over 3 months and we got the bastard' "I can't believe we did it" she said looking over to fin and ruby now sitting at his desk playing with his police badge. "3 months and 15 girls and we finally got him".

"Amanda and Nick should be here soon and we can close it all up" Fin said handing ruby to Olivia. "How are you today Olivia?" Fin asked knowing exactly what today was. "I'm fine, I just need to keep busy, and I'm taking Ruby to the park after so I'll be able to take my mind of it" Olivia knew she wasn't fine nowhere near it but she couldn't let her detective see that she had to be strong for them. Amanda and Nick may not have been there that horrible day 3 years ago but they still knew the toll it took on SVU and knew how much it had hurt Olivia.

"Mommy can we go know?" Ruby tugged on her pants. "Yes we can" Olivia said goodbye to her detectives and told them all to come in late tomorrow picked up Ruby grabbed her bag and left.

Olivia and Ruby got the park just before lunch. Olivia set up a mat on the grass and started taking out food for them both to eat. Once they were finished Ruby ran over to the swing "Mommy Swing Swing" Olivia followed her over and put her in the seat and strapped her in. She didn't see that he was watching the whole thing. He watched her push the little girl in the swing her brown hair swaying in the wind and her laugh. He instantly knew that was his little girl. 'But how?' He thought

Olivia felt someone watching them she turned around and saw him, just standing there watching them. "Elliot" she whispered. And just like that he turned and walked away. That hurt her, why didn't he atleast come and talk to her, why did he just walk away was it really going to be like that night? Did he really hate her that much?  
>"Come on Ruby lets go home, it's time for your nap" Olivia got her out of the swing and put her on the ground. They packed up their things and went home.<p>

Later that night after Olivia had gotten Ruby down to bed, Olivia poured herself a glass of wine and sat down on the lounge lost in her thoughts. Why did he walk away? Would she ever see him again? There was so many things she wanted to tell him, so many things she wanted to ask him. Why did he leave without saying good bye? Would things be different if he had of stayed?

There was a knock on the door and Olivia jumped. 'Who would that be at this time of night' she thought as she walked to the door. She opened it and Elliot was standing there he looked drunk and he was crying. He was the first to speak " I just need to know, Is she mine?"


	2. Chapter 2

Olivia just stood there not able to move tears running down her face. Elliot moved in closer and closed the door, pulling her into his embrace. "Yes yes I'm so sorry, I should have told you but when I woke up and you weren't there I thought you'd never want to see me again, I didn't want to..." Olivia started to pull away from him. Elliot held her tighter "it's okay baby I'm here now" he said stroking her back. It was that moment he realised what a big mistake he'd made leaving before she had woken up. He slipped away into the night with a trace. Would she ever forgive him? Olivia looked up at him "You left me, Just left, nothing I thought you regretted everything" Olivia was trying to control her sobbing. Elliot cupped his hands over her face wiping away her tears and in that moment it was like nothing else mattered he leant in and kissed her.

The kiss started slow and light hoping she wouldn't pull away from him. But she didn't and Elliott deepened the kiss with a sense of urgency he brushed his tongue over Olivia lips as if he was asking permission. She granted it opening her lips and finding his tongue with hers. Their kiss deepened and got more passionate. Olivia started taking of Elliot's suit jacket. He broke from the kiss "No! stop we shouldn't be doing this" Olivia began kissing him again whilst unbuttoning his jacket. "Mmm you're right we shouldn't" She began taking his shirt of and Elliot took her top off exposing her bare breasts.

Elliott started kissing Olivia's neck slowly moving down her chest until he reach her right breast and too it in his mouth. Olivia let out a moan and held onto Elliot for support. Elliot spun them around and pushed Olivia up against the door. He started unzipping her pants while he continued to kiss her. Olivia wrapped her legs around him feeling just how turned on he was. She started taking his pants off and stroked his penis. Elliot growled. "Bedroom?" she asked and without a word he carried her to the bedroom and laid her on the bed. He stood up to look at her she had those same black lace panties on that she had 3 years ago. It was like she knew. He took of his boxers and laid on top of her and in one quick movement her panties were off and he was inside her.

Olivia woke the next morning and Elliot wasn't there. 'Great' she thought 'he's done it again he got scared and ran. He did the same thing 3 years ago and now he's done it again'

Olivia got out of bed and got dressed. She went to check on Ruby who was still sleeping and then made her way to the kitchen to make some coffee. Maybe with a shot of Kahlua. Hell she needed it after being left again. 'He didn't even stick around to meet her' she thought as she walked down the hallway. That was when she saw him, just sitting there staring at the wall deep in thought. He looked at her when she walked in. "Good morning" he said waiting for her to say something. Olivia just stood there not knowing what to say. "Coffee? I'm making a fresh pot" she asked him as she walked in to kitchen to turn the brewer on.

He stood up and followed her into the kitchen. "What's her name?" he asked her leaning against the kitchen bench. "Ruby" Olivia said as she pulled out two mugs from the cupboard. "I found out 6 weeks after you left, you weren't answering your phone I figured you regretted the whole thing and wanted to make everything right with Kathy" Elliot just stood there Olivia took that as a sign to keep going "I hoped you at least were happy, I didn't want to ruin it by burdening you with another child"

"Burden me? You think I would have willing stayed away knowing you were carrying my child? I never regretted it one bit." Elliott pushed himself off the bench and crossed his arms. He felt himself starting to get angry.

"You just left Elliott, I woke up and you were gone, no note, no phone call, nothing. What was I supposed to think?" Olivia was getting angry now. " I opened myself up to you, I even thought you leaving was a good until idea you kissed me, we made love Elliot, I thought you'd at least stick around the morning after. I guess I was wrong"

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I know I'll never be able to make up for what I did and I can't even explain why I did it. I don't know. I just knew that we had made love and I was still married and that Kathy would never forgive me, so I ran. I tried to forget it, tried to make things right with Kathy and make a better life for our kids. I honestly thought I was doing the right thing" Elliot had started crying and he didn't even realise it until Olivia wiped a tear away. Her soft hands on his face he melted and broke down. She pulled him in for a hug. "You're here now that's all that matters" She said pulling away from him and handing him his cup. "I'm sorry it took so long for me to come back to you" He said while taking a sip of his coffee. "Uggh! You still don't make a very good coffee" He said putting his cup on the bench and giving her a smile. Olivia just laughed. They stood there in the kitchen just taking in each other's presence until Ruby woke. "Are you ready to meet your daughter?" Olivia asked.


	3. Chapter 3

Ruby walked into to the kitchen holding her favorite teddy and yawned. "Hey baby girl, did you have a good sleep?" Olivia asked her picking her up and giving her a cuddle. "Who dat mommy?" Ruby asked pointing to Elliot. "This is someone very special to mommy his name is Elliot, mommy used to work with him a long time ago, He came to have breakfast with us today. Is that okay?" Olivia told her daughter giving a slight smile to Elliot, Elliot knew there was no way Ruby could know he was her father, not yet anyway.

"Okay mommy, I want berry toast pwease" Ruby asked her mother. "Okay" Olivia said putting ruby down, "You go play while I make it, kay?" Ruby ran toward the lounge room to play with her dolls. Olivia started to make Ruby's breakfast, Elliot just stood there staring at her. "What?" Olivia asked and she put the toast in the toaster and grabbed the strawberry jam from the cupboard. "I always knew you'd be a great mom" Elliot said smiling at her. "She's my whole world" Olivia replied buttering the toast "Ruby its ready". Ruby came running into the kitchen and jumped up at the table. "Can I sit at big table wif you mommy?" Ruby asked with a big smile on her face. "Of course you can sweetie, would you like anything for breakfast Elliot?" Olivia asked as she made herself some toast this time with Vegemite and avocados.

"I might have some of that strawberry toast" He said giving Ruby a big smile "It looks very yummy". "Mhmm" Ruby said trying to talk through a mouth full of food. "Ruby please don't talk with your mouth full" Olivia asked her as she sat down at the table to have her toast. They all ate in silence until it was time to get ready for the day. Olivia wiped Ruby's hands and face and took her into the bedroom to get ready for day care, "What would you like to wear today?" She asked her. "Dress" Ruby said pointing to her favorite blue dress hanging in the closet. "Okay it's a bit cold outside so how bout we wear some tights too huh?" Olivia said as she grabbed the clothes from the closet and gave them to Ruby to put on. "Can't mommy" Ruby said trying to pull her dress over her head but got her head stuck in the arm hole. "Silly duffer, wrong hole" Olivia said fixing her dress and putting her shoes on. "Ready?" Olivia asked as she helped Ruby to her feet.

They both walked back into the lounge room where Elliot was sitting on the couch waiting for them. "Well don't you look absolutely gorgeous" He said to Ruby and she pranced out in her blue dress and black tights. "hehe you silly" Ruby said back hiding behind Olivia. "Well I have to drop her off at day care now and get to work, Don picks her up from day care and has her til I finish, I can ask if he can have her a little longer and we get dinner and talk if you want to?" she asked him as she put Ruby's jacket on and grabbed her own from the hook behind the door. "I would love to, say 7 at Luigi's?" Elliot said opening the door for them all to leave. "I'll see you then, say bye Ruby" Olivia picked up her daughter. "Bye bye Et" Ruby said giving him a big wave. And they both left their separate ways.

Elliot wandered the street for a while before making his way back to his apartment. He knew it would be empty, Kathy had Eli this week and it was his day off from work. He knew it would be a long day, but he was looking forward to dinner this evening, it'd be his chance to tell Olivia all that had happened to him while he was away. His chance to finally tell her how he feels and hopefully how she felt. 3 years is a long time after all.

Olivia dropped Ruby off at day care and headed to the station, she sent Don a message 'Ran into an old friend, do you mind watching Ruby a while longer tonight so I can meet them for dinner?' Not wanting to go into too much detail until she knew why Elliot was back and if he was back for good. 'Sure honey, anytime' Don replied. Olivia walked into the squad room to find no one else was there yet. 'Where is everyone?' she thought before realizing she told them all to come in late after closing the case yesterday. She went to the coffee station to make herself some coffee before going to her office and starting on her paper work. Her mind drifted to Elliot and the previous night. It had been exactly 3 years since she had seen him last. He came to her apartment after the shooting to tell her he was leaving for a while to clear his head before coming back to work. They were talking, it was a good chat to let everything about the shooting and the case out and close those wounds. Olivia was finally ready to let him leave. She walked him to the door and said goodbye telling him to stay safe and let her know how he was doing every few days. He promised he would. She was about to close the door when he turned and said " I love you Olivia" and that was it he kissed her, she wasn't expecting it and he caught her off guard she fell into him. Her hand grazed over his chest and she deepened the kiss.

The sound of knocking broke her from her thoughts. "Sorry to bother you ma'am" it was a Uni. "That's fine Bob, what's up?" Olivia asked closing the folder on her desk. " A call just came over the radio, young teen girl found in central park, couldn't find your team" the uni said. "Thanks Bob, I gave em the morning off, I'll call them in now" Olivia picked up her phone and dialed Fin's number. Bob walked out of her office. He had never seen the sergeant so deep in thought before, something was odd he thought and shook it off 'oh well'.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

It was closing in on 6.15 and there was no end in sight. Olivia kept looking at her watch every few seconds hoping time would slow down. If she had any hope on getting home to get ready in time for her dinner she had to leave now. Fin noticed her mind was somewhere else "Everything okay Olivia?" He hadn't seen her this distracted since Elliot left. "Yeah, yeah I'm okay, I just ran into an old friend as was supposed to meet them for dinner soon that's all" Olivia said checking her watch again for the 20th time in 2 minutes. Fin wasn't buying it something was wrong and he knew it. "Well there isn't really much else we can do tonight, you go and if something's comes up I'll call you okay?" Olivia grabbed her coat and rushed out. Texting Elliot 'May be a bit late, only leaving work now, see you soon xoxo'

Elliot smiled when he saw the text from Olivia 'xoxo, what does that mean?' he thought as he sat in his seat waiting for Olivia to arrive. He looked up and saw her walk in, she looked amazing. Olivia was wearing a dark blue for length dress that hugged all her curves and was just low enough to show cleavage but not too low to draw too much attention. Elliot couldn't stop staring, she was gorgeous.

"El, hello, earth to Elliot" Olivia was waving her hand in from of him trying to get his attention. "Sorry! My mind was somewhere else" Elliot said standing up to give her a hug. "Man, I haven't been here in years not since your last birthday" He said as they sat down at their table. Olivia laughed, damn he loved her laugh, when she laughed it was like all his problems just floated away. "I wonder if the menu is still the same" Olivia said picking up the menu and opening it up to look, she was nervous, this would be the first real conversation she and Elliot would have since he left. She would finally be able to find out where he has ben and why he left and maybe convince him to stick around and get to know their daughter. Ruby was her world and she wanted nothing but for her to know her father.

"Ready to order?" a waiter asked as she pulled out her handheld ordering device. "Yes thankyou, I'll have the chicken parmigana with a ceaser salad, no olives and a glass of your house red thankyou" Olivia said as she put down her menu. "And for you sir?" the waiter said as she entered Olivia's order. "I'll have a veal snitzel with white wine mushroom sauce and chips and vegetable on the side and I'll have a schooner of whatever's your best on tap, thankyou" Elliot said handing the waiter his menu. "Any appetisers?" "Garlic bread" Olivia and Elliot both said at the same time followed by a chuckle. "No worries" the waiter said and walked away.

After they ordered they sat in silence for a while. It was Elliot that finally broke the silence, "Liv…" He started to say before Olivia came out on top "Where have you been Elliot?" He took a deep breath. "Liv, I'm so sorry, I made a mistake I know that now"

"You think sleeping together was a mistake?"

"No no of course not, leaving was a mistake, I never meant to hurt you. I got scared and I ran, I ran to what I always knew, I was scared you'd think it was a mistake, or that I was still married. I thought you'd hate me or worse hate yourself."

'I hated you for leaving, for never calling, never coming to my aid when I needed you most. I hated that I had to raise our daughter all alone. That she would grow up knowing that her father never knew about her or even cared to see how her mother was. Knowing she had siblings out there that she would never meet. I was scared I would turn into my own mother." Olivia had started getting very upset know, her voice was cracking and she had a few tears running down her face. She grabbed her napkin and dried her eyes.

"Liv, you are a great mother, don't let anyone ever tell you any different"

"But you still haven't answered my question. Where have you been? What have you been doing for 3 years? You can't have just fallen off the map, New York is big but it isn't that big."

"Well at first, I went back home, after the shooting I was so depressed. I had killed an innocent girl. All I could think about was saving you and I killed her. I tried to make it work with Kathy, I got a job as a security officer at the mall and we went back to everyday life. Kids went to school, Kathy and I went to work, we were always home for dinner the kids loved it. But then I found out Kathy had been cheating on me with a doctor from mercy hospital"

"I'm so sorry El" Olivia said taking his hand in hers, by then their food had arrived.

"I filed for divorce the next day, packed up and moved to an apartment in the city, and got a job doing specialised security at 4 seasons, I have Eli week on week off, it's tough but were getting there. I was actually on my way to meet a guy about a new job when I saw you and Ruby at the park."

"What happened at the meeting?" Olivia asked

"I never made it, all those memories came flooding back and when I saw Ruby I lost it, I went to the nearest pub and well after that you know what happened" by then Olivia was so shocked she couldn't even talk. They sat in silence for the rest of their dinner. The truth was finally told and Elliot now felt at peace he was finally ready to tell her how he felt. "Would you like desert?" Elliot asked Olivia as she finished her glass of wine. "No thankyou, if I eat any more I'll burst" Olivia said giving Elliot a shy smile.

By now it was almost 9. "Well I better get going, I need to pick ruby up and get to bed, we have a huge case at the moment, Thankyou for dinner El" and with that she was gone.


End file.
